Once upon a fairytale
Was a delightful young women called Nadie
She married a very chubby man named Sadie
One day Nadie didn’t feel very well
And her tummy began to swell
“Sadie,” said Nadie
“Could you be a dear to come in and have a peer?”
So Sadie dear came in
Looking rather like a big fat dumpling
He gasped as he sat on the bed
“I think,” he said and scratched his head.
“If I am not mistaken, it has to be,
You are in the matters of pregnancy”
Poor Nadie was shaken up so
She patted her tummy and it began to grow
It grew and grew, bigger and bigger
Until Sadie dearie pulled the trigger
By punching Nadie in the tum well
And there a hole began to dwell
The hole vacuumed up all the air
And suddenly that hole, right there
Exploded in a tremendous way
And out came a baby, in a peculiar way
To the surprise of Sadie and Nadie
The little baby said
“I say, isn’t this all a game?
If you like, hold me, I’m very tame”
The little baby felt her bald head
And her fingers caught a bit of lead
Rubbing it on the clean bald patch
Some tiny prickles began to scratch
And in an hour or so, without any doubt
Golden hair began to sprout
It rolled down the stairs and into the town
Simply looking like a long dressing gown!
All the shopping villagers stopped and stared
And one of them said “No one seems to care,
that, all this mane is unrolling from somewhere”
So one of the brave villagers went
All the way back there in the Kent
Where surrounded in pitch dark black
He met a witch called Witchy Whack
He carefully climbed in her tower
Past the servants that monitored for twenty four hours
In he went, into the dreaded study,
Where Witchy Whack cried out,
“So you’ve come at last, buddy!
What is it you desire to know?
For I shall make it all come about
Do all your life you want to pout?”
The petrified villager began to shake his head
He sat on Witchy Whacks bed and said,
“Oh please your Greatest, make sure this wish comes true,
For I have something in store for you!”
The puzzled villager carried on saying,
“I’m gone! There’s a pile of hair soon all over the city,
It’s really such a pity!
I was strolling out of church one day,
In my usual glorious way
When suddenly, I don’t know why
There came a creepy feeling up my thigh!
I looked down and saw a very funny thing
It made the very heavens ring!
It was, and I tell you so,
A mass of golden hair
The one, a superior kind
Like huge chunks of valuable gold you simply can’t find
So your Royal Highness, oh please help us all
We’ll celebrate your triumph with a mighty ball
It comes in the generosity, you know
So Witchy Whack, the dearest Witch
“Who’s rolling with money?
Who’s piling rich?
Come on, Witchy Whack
Just do what is best
Or the country will be flooded
Like gallons of water poured in a thrushes nest!”
The villager paused, and stopped for breath
While the scrummy old witch stopped and said
“I think you better leave the work to me
This Mighty hair, the golden dust
It’s valuable to my new potion - Santus!
I’ll sell it out one by one,
And by gum, everyone shall have some fun
Meanwhile I’ll set out the bait, so hurry up
Before it’s gonna be too late!”
While all these happenings were going on,
What had happened to the baby and where had she gone?
Well, old Saide and Naide had gone all the way
Back in the seaside over in the bay
To have a happy holiday,
That’s a break’s spirit, don’t you say?
The baby’s mane was now so long,
They couldn’t find a hair band so they wrapped it in a thong,
And they called her by a most peculiar name,
“Rapunzel” they decided. Actually a vegetable, how very lame!
Meanwhile, back in Witchy Whacks tower,
She was cooking up a potion which tasted rather sour,
The purpose of this preposterous potion,
Was to have an extreme solution
The reason was to pour the potion in the ground,
And then and there without a sound,
The earth would start to wobble and click,
And smoke would begin to start pouring out,
And when the ritual was finished, you could see,
A tower tall with huge grey bricks,
That grew so high, and up to space
Building up with an incredible pace.
Well, back in Rapunzel’s house
When they were having a delicious lunch,
And the only sound you could hear
Was jaws going munch munch,
When an evil crone of a witch appeared in sight,
Frightening the couple out of their daylights.
“Give me the baby,” the evil crone snarled,
And lowered her chin, then simpered and said
“If you don’t give me your baby I’ll cut off her head.”
Too terrified to speak or even move,
They handed Rapunzel over to the old hag
Who had her skirt hitched above her knees,
And disappeared like magic in a waft of breeze.
Poor Nadie sank into a puddle of tears,
And carried on sobbing for many years.
The couple’s happy life was shattered into pieces
For they had no daughter nor any nieces.
So, Rapunzel was taken back,
All the way with witchy whack
Into her tower, where Rapunzel worked as a slave,
And never did she disobey Witchy Whack,
For if she was naughty she was threatened to go and pack,
Into the world unknown,
And be transported to a tropical zone.
By now, at age fourteen,
Rapunzel’s hair was more royal than a queen.
Witchy Whack frowned over the girl,
Why, now she was pretty as ever could be!
Any prince would marry her in the whole wide history!
Any prince would marry her in the whole wide history!
So soon enough, she decided a trip.
When it was Rapunzel’s 15th birthday
Witchy Whack exclaimed and said,
“Aahh, my child lets dine at my old friend’s house
With lots of wine.
Come on my dear, just do what’s best
And we’ll have a go on her new Jacuzzi,
It gives you a lot of peace and rest!
Rapunzel agreed heartily,
So off they went and arrived in a
Jungle where Witchy took a bottle
That looked like perfume and seemed to have a very nice scent,
She tipped the whole thing into a patch of soil,
And suddenly, without any doubt, a funny thing began to sprout,
It was a magnificent tower that grew straight and tall,
You couldn’t see the top at all.
Just at that moment, there was a flash of light,
Blinding Rapunzel’s eyes, so white and bright.
The very next minute, Rapunzel found
Herself in the tower, which was oh so round.
There was nothing much in there except portraits
And a big huge bed,
“Whatever shall I do?” The little girl said.
“Just sit and be good!” Witchy Whack shouted from below.
“Or you won’t get any food, you evil little foe!
And with that, Witchy Whack left to her undesirable castle
Cackling away at her horrible theft
Meanwhile, Poor Rapunzel didn’t know what to do.
“There should be some way out! “, she exclaimed
And indeed there was,
Behind the bed, behind the ted there was a button coloured red.
Absentmindedly when she pressed it hard
The walls opened up, and she saw a wizard.
“Tell me, my child what you wish,” the wizard thing said,
Rapunzel didn’t know what to do.
She looked so sad that the wizard’s heart melted,
Slowly he walked towards the girl
But Rapunzel let out a deafening scream
and within a moment he was pinned to the ground.
A rich pool of blood formed at his head.
But the blonde just sighed and shrugged and said,
“Never mind. What’s done is done. I can’t just please everyone.”
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